


To Protect You

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Drug Abuse Mention, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Illness, Suicide Attempt, Suicide mention, deviation from main plot, season four
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 12:54:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15774519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Lee can't shake the feeling that something was off with Ed, words unsaid and the feeling that he was saying goodbye instead of 'see you later'.





	To Protect You

She was left with an uneasy conflicting feeling after her conversation with Ed. The way he had been acting recently was odd even by his standards, he seemed distant, and skittish like he was hiding something from her. She thought over his words, the way he’d looked at her, deep down she knew what he was attempting to tell her and that scared her. She’d forced herself into the belief that Ed couldn’t love, if he felt love he wouldn’t have killed Kristen. He seemed different now, he seemed like he did before then. She remembered how he was when she’d met him, shy and too tall, he could hardly hold eye contact or find the proper way to speak to her without apologizing each time he said something the others told him was weird. She’d found him sweet. Then suddenly a switch was flipped in him and not long after that she heard the news that he’d killed Kristen along with several others.

Now she stood with drink in hand thinking about that switch, how he was different once again. 

Lee downed her drink, sat the glass on the table, and then made her way up to the space he claimed as his bedroom or the closest either of them could get to bedrooms in Cherry’s. The room was surprisingly not kept in a neat fashion; she remembered before he was frozen that he kept things neat and orderly, he hated anything being out of place or in a spot that didn’t make sense numerically or alphabetically, but this wasn’t like that. The bed was unmade, blankets and sheets tossed to the side from restless nights of attempting to sleep. On the table by his bed she spotted about five orange pill bottles, she felt an odd overwhelming concern at that.

She made her way over to the small end table, she picked up two of the bottles and read the scripts.

“Of course, you’re stealing meds from my clinic.” She muttered to herself, annoyance peeking through her concern.

She’d had her suspicions that he was doing that, before now she’d assumed it was pain killers for his hangovers, but none of these were for pain. The pills were for depression, bipolar disorder, and even one for tranquilizers that were what she considered far too strong for somebody his weight and height.

All of it felt like red flags for her fear, the fear outside of the fact she knew he was in love with her. 

She quickly left the room in search of him, she questioned a couple of regulars about if they had seen Ed around, one of them telling her they’d passed him in the stairwell not too long ago. She headed there hoping she’d catch him, hoping that maybe she was wrong, and that he was okay.

The door leading to the set of stairs that went up towards the roof stood ajar held open with a brick set on the ground. She made her way up the steps, the heels of her boots clacking loudly against the steps, the sound echoing. When she reached the second landing she found him. She froze in place for a moment watching him, his feet dangling a few inches above the steps, and body swaying. She rushed towards him, she reached into her pocket and retrieved her knife flicking it open. 

“Don’t be dead, don’t be dead.” She muttered to herself as she wrapped an arm around his waist stilling him, pulling him close. She thought she felt him breathing, felt that he was still alive. She stood up on her tip toes in order to reach the base of the noose that was wound so tightly around his throat. She held on tightly to him in order to keep him from just falling down the steps when she cut through the rope.

She dropped her knife and circled both arms around him pulling him back and laying him down on the landing. She kept a hand on the back of his head, fingers petting through his hair. She leaned down pressing her ear against his chest, he was breathing, thankfully. 

It startled her when he moved, he began coughing violently, eyes opening. She smiled in relief, relieved he was alive. 

“Thank God, what the Hell were you doing?” She asked as she curled her fingers in his messy brown hair.

He attempted to sit up, winced then gave up on the action. He stared at her as if he was confused about the current situation. “Why did you save me?”

The question more or less hurt, he didn’t say it in a way that was bitter or cruel, but it hurt to hear. 

“What was I supposed to do?”

He glanced away from her, he reached up gingerly touching his fingers to the angry red marks that circled his neck from where the rope had dug into his skin.

“Leave me there, you’d be better off if you had.”

He sounded defeated and it hurt to hear that in his voice. She wondered what happened, only a few weeks ago he’d been happy, or he at least seemed to be. She knew he had problems, losing so much of himself, getting knocked down in his place in the city, and everything else. She’d never thought he was this depressed though, she felt angry with herself for not realizing it before.

“I like having you around, I don’t want to lose you.”

He smirked, “I can easily be replaced by anybody here.”

She placed her hand against his cheek, he looked up at her and she noticed the tears in his eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I genuinely enjoy your company believe it or not.” She paused for a moment wondering what to say, wondering why this felt hard suddenly. “Does your neck hurt a lot?”

“No, just sore. I can stand if that’s what you’re wondering.” 

Lee got to her feet, she took hold of his hands helping him get to his feet. He hissed in pain and rubbed at his own throat. She looped an arm around his waist and helped him down the stairs, she knew he wanted to complain about her helping him, but he also knew that she’d just ignore him and help him anyway. She lead him up to his room where she sat him on the bed. She rummaged through his pills, he looked away from her as if ashamed that she knew about it. Eventually she did find pain killers, the bottle nearly full. She uncapped it and handed two pills to him. She didn’t say anything when he grabbed the bottle of Jim Beam to wash the pills down with.

“Why did you do it and why are you taking anti-psychotics?”

He sat the bottle down on the floor, he still wasn’t looking at her.

“You know that, that hit out on you?”

She moved closer to him, took a seat next to him on the bed. “Yeah, what about it?”

“I um, it wasn’t me I mean it was, but….I-I did, I did it.”

“What the Hell are you saying?”

“The Riddler he, I….He did it, he called the hit on you.” He knotted his fingers in his hair. “I should have told you, I should have told you awhile ago, but I’ve been blacking out and hallucinating again. I wasn’t for the longest time after I got thawed out, the voices, and all of it…It just stopped and at first that scared the Hell out of me, but it’s starting again, and I can’t stop it. I thought if I took pills it would help, but he keeps taking over and he wants to hurt you and I….I thought if I, if I died then he would die too, and then you’d be safe.” 

She silently stared at him, watched him as he began crying. She placed a hand on his back and he flinched.

“Ed it’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not, not as long as I’m alive and I’m like this. I can’t fight him, I’m scared of what’s going to happen.”

Psychology wasn’t her major not by any means. She knew some basics, but she still remembered Ed’s trial and she remembered getting her hands on his reports from Arkham at one point through means that Jim would not be very pleased about. She remembered reading that he had schizophrenia, a history of DID that stemmed from some point in his teen years due to a parent related trauma. When he came to the Narrows, the more she talked to him, and saw he was different again she had felt maybe somehow being frozen fixed something. She knew it was moronic to think that way, but Ed obviously was under the same illusion.

“I’ll be here, I won’t let anything happen.”

She talked as if it was a thing she could genuinely protect him from. She knew she couldn’t do that, it was an internal battle and there was a possibility one day he’d come into Cherry’s and he wouldn’t be Ed anymore.

He looked over at her, eyes bloodshot, and tears staining his flushed cheeks. “I think, I’m going to….I need to check myself into Arkham.”

“You don’t have to do that, we both know nobody gets the help they need in there.”

“I can’t just stay here. Lee I-I can’t risk hurting you, I don’t think I could handle it.” 

She reached up brushing the tears from his cheek. She leaned her forehead against his, she could feel his warm breath against her face. “You won’t lose me, I’m here, right here with you.”

“I love you.” He whispered, voice hardly audible.

She smiled sadly, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She ended the sudden silence by kissing him gently, he kissed her back in a way that felt desperate and longing. She placed a hand against the back of his neck, fingers brushing over the marks there that in time would fade, but for now filled her with a fear that if she’d been just a minute too late he’d be dead.

“You don’t love me back, do you?” He asked, voice quiet.

“I’m sorry, but I still….I’m open to trying this, trying a relationship with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to, I’ve been wanting to.” She smiled softly, he placed a hand on her leg and it felt right to have him touch her. “Just give it time, I’m adjusting to a lot of things right now.”

“That’s okay is it alright if I say that I love you?”

She kissed his cheek. “It is, it’s nice hearing it, I missed knowing I’m loved.” 

She rest her head on his shoulder closing her eyes, she smiled softly as she felt his fingers petting through her hair. There was so much going on she needed to handle, but for just right now she wanted to be in this place with him and pretend it was fine.


End file.
